The worst year of Nora McInerny’s life went like this: On October 3, 2014, she lost her second pregnancy. Five days later, her father died from lymphoma. And six weeks later, her husband died from brain cancer.
In the days and weeks and months that followed, people would ask: How are you?
“I was in the middle of some of the deepest pain I’ve ever experienced,” she recalls. But that’s not what she said. Instead, she said: I’m fine. Pretty good. OK.
She thought she had to be — for herself, for her child, and for other people.
- Do not try to fake it till you make it. It doesn’t work!
- Be emotionally honest about your experience. It will help you move forward.
- Take responsibility for telling people what you need.
“Because nobody knew how much I was struggling, nobody could help me. Nobody could treat me in the way that I was so desperate to be treated and could not articulate because they didn’t know, and I didn’t know. And I made it impossible for everyone.
Nora McInerny, author, podcaster, and TED talk speaker learned how to move forward after surviving the loss of her baby, father, and husband within months. This is based on her 2021 talk at the Pennsylvania Conference for Women.“All of this insistence that I was fine was a recipe for loneliness, it was a recipe for depression, it was a recipe for untreated PTSD, it was a recipe for feeling terrible.”